No Longer On Solitary Confinement

“My thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into constellations.”

Every time I write about my mother, it sounds more like a eulogy instead of a tribute. I want to celebrate Mother’s Day because I had a mother to celebrate. She may not be of this world anymore but that doesn’t mean I stopped being her daughter.

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book. And then there are books…, which you can’t tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.”

I can’t seem to find the words to say how much I love and miss my mother. Anyway, she’s the only person who it matters to and she’s no longer here to hear it. I still say it though, ever so often.

 “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.”

It took me quite some time to realize how lucky, how blessed I am for having my mother. It’s not easy being a single mother. It sure wasn’t easy being mine. It wasn’t the ideal situation to be in as a kid but having her around was all the comfort and reassurance I needed to get through it. And I made it, a little scarred but still whole.

“I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”